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This might sound like a weird fear to have, considering that if you are fear of lies, you might as well not lie. But in life, you can never really tell if someone is lying to you, nor can you avoid the occasional “white lie” slipping from your mouth. There are very few people that can testify to never telling even the smallest lie in their life.
The thing about lying is that we all step into that trap as kids, and we often get caught out by our parents, yet we never really learn the lesson. Have you ever been brutally honest with your friends and family? It does not always work out so well. So why are we afraid of lying if being honest is not that easy either?
The Origin of Lies
Or rather, why do people lie? The reasoning behind why we lie is not so difficult to understand. We have all experienced the lies told by political figures or even in the workplace. For many of us, the first experience of lies goes back to our childhood days. Everybody has had a moment when you have done something, and you told a little fib to cover it up, like coming home after your curfew or even why you did not do your homework. We develop a fear of lying because we don’t like it or we don’t know how to get out of the lies.
The little lies we often overlook because of the context in which they occur, but there is a valid reason for them at the time. In the examples given, we have genuine reasons we might have fibbed, but we also experienced times when the lies told did not have an apparent reason behind them. These are lies that were told just because we did not remember what happened or because we felt pressured to have an answer. Hence, we build up a fear of lies.
Nobody enjoys being lied to, and very few people get any pleasure from lying. So, the question remains – why do people have a fear of lies? The source of lies is as varied as the lies themselves.
The Reasoning Behind Lies
For all the reasons we might have for telling lies, there is one reason why all these other reasons are secondary. Control. People tell lies to enact a certain level of control over a situation where they feel out of control. Whether it be control of their actions or in control of others’ actions, lies are about control. It’s very selfish reasoning. Yet we often rationalize it by saying we did it to protect others from the truth.
Truth does harm, not can it be dangerous. Truth is real. Lies are not. The fear of lying, however, is. To explain this, I will use a handy real-world example. Politics is all about getting the public to vote for you; first, you need their support to stay in power. So, politicians often are caught in their lies. It seems that they do not have a fear of lying almost. There are even agencies that now fact-check our politicians to keep them honest. Gone are the days of Honest Abe.
So, when you listen to politicians now, you are already thinking in the back of your mind whether or not you should believe what they are saying. We all understand that this is a horrible situation to be in, but we accept it. Because that’s just the way, it is. We don’t want to be lied to, but we don’t take action to try to eliminate them from our lives. So we look past our fear of lying.
This is also true in most relationship contexts; we are so scared of being lied to by our partners who always check up on them and the things they say. This behavior is damning to ourselves and the relationship. Because we will not outright question the person because we don’t want to the right or wrong. Yes, you read correctly. You don’t want to be right about the lies because that would be seen as a failure on your behalf. Again, we look past our fear of lying to our loved ones.
Lying is an Act of Fear
You also don’t want to be wrong because you would have shown that you don’t trust your partner who might lead to a breakdown in your relationship. Trust is the victim of lies. The fear of lying is the perpetrator. Without Trust, we, as human beings, often don’t have any quality of life. And this is how we start acting weirdly around our partners, which causes you both pains, which is all because you fear lying and lies.
Of course, when the story comes out that you have questions, you will possibly blow the situation out of proportion to make your actions seem understandable. And there we are right back to tell little lies to cover things up that might present us in a bad light! Yet, we still have a fear of lies.
The reasons why we tell lies are mainly based on keeping up with our inner picture of ourselves. If we don’t want to be seen as this or that, we will quite possibly tell little “acceptable” lies to maintain our self-image. And the same is true for other people. They will tell little fibs to keep you happy if they think the truth will cause you unhappiness.
Why are we always fighting for the truth, yet we fear lying in the same regard? To be clear, we fight for the perception of truth. To have a feeling of truth is what most of us end up with at the end of the day.
What is Truth?
Truth is what we are all after. Then how do we always end up with a watered-down version of the truth? The problem is a systemic one; we have been taught to accept what sounds like the truth. Yet never question it as it supposedly comes from a trusted source. Suppose you are looking for truth in your life in all things you need to start with yourself. Conquer the fear of lies internally. Songs have been written about it; start with the Man in The Mirror!
We are so scared of having lain in our lives from external sources that we never take the time to evaluate our own “truth-telling.” This is the main reason why we have a fear of lying. We have done it, and we know the type of damage it can do, so we don’t want that for ourselves. But we very possibly might be ok with others getting damaged by lies, whether our own or someone else’s.
If you have a fear of lying or being lied to, then the process starts with you. It would help if you analyzed where you might have lies in your life and put an end to it. That is the only way that you can congruently put a stop to lies in your life. They might be small or big, but they are justified to you by your reasoning.
You will have compelling reasoning for the lies you tell, no matter how small they might be. For the record, the reasoning is consequential only to you. The minute you put the reason for your lies up for analysis by others, they will fall flat on their lying faces.
Common reasons for fear of lies are things like avoiding punishment or concealing reward and benefit. Ever told a police officer that you did not have a drink before you drove home? Or maybe you said your phone was on silent when you missed a call? The lies in our lives are often tiny and insignificant but can often lead to severe pain or discomfort when caught out. Yet we often look past our fear of lying.
What to do about Lies?
In truth, there is nothing that we can do about other people’s lies. We can rarely spot the lie in the act. And we only cause ourselves pain and suffering when we go searching for them. But that does not mean that we should not be insistent on having truth in our lives. But truth starts with you and not with other people, not your spouse and not your leaders. It starts with you.
You need to understand your fear of lies first. If you want the truth, then you must be willing to do the work to find it and nurture it. Or you would be forever in a place of yearning for truth while holding on to lies, not to mention living with your fear of lying every day.
Black Sheep Community and fear of lies
The Black Sheep Community could very well be the place where your journey into truth begins. In our community, we strive to reveal the truth behind whatever we are working on. Our fear of lying or lies is often put under the spotlight to conquer it. Whether it be the climate or politics or just understanding the latest trends on social media.
So, if you want to share your truth with people that will respect and honor that truth with their truth, join the Black Sheep Community. Our commitment to truth and openness will surprise you and maybe teach you a couple of things you did not know!