Embrace Your Fears

Embrace Your Fears

Why do we need to Embrace Your Fears? We all have specific fears in life. For most of us, fear is not a concept that we deal with every day, though. Fear is not a bad thing; it is, however, occasionally a limiting factor in our lives. Yet what we fear is not always real. Many studies have shown that most people share many of the same fears. Even though they are not real, we still fear situations and environments that might hold us back from living our actual life.

Natural Fears

Understanding what fear is, is the first step to embracing your fears. Over the years, psychological studies have shown that human beings have only two natural fears. Yes, only two! They are loud noises and falling. Have you ever had that dream where you are falling and wake up just before you hit bottom? Sure, you have. For those who have witnessed the miracle of childbirth, you might have noticed the doctor checking the baby’s reflexes by clapping their hands next to the baby. They also do a little drop test to test the falling reflexes.

When I saw this happening to my newborn son, I was a little upset with the doctor. That was until he explained to me that these are the natural reflexes or fears that all humans have. Reacting to noises and the falling sensation is how they check that your little one is fully aware of their surroundings.

So, the question then begs, where do all the other fears that we have come from? It is simple. As we grow up, we experience life in our unique way, and we develop a long list of fears. Some of them are healthy, but for the most part, they are limiting. These limiting fears are what holds us back from doing what we want to do in life. These are the fears that you must face and conquer. Embrace your fears and understand which are serving you and which are not.

Embrace Your Fears

So, you want to embrace your fears. Well, the good news is that there are 1000’s books and websites that will give you guidelines on how to do that. What I want to do today is give you just a little taste of what it would be like to embrace your fears, even the biggest ones. I am going to focus on fears that many people have but are totally unrealistic and exceptionally limiting.

According to a recent study, these are the top ten fears that hold people back in life:

  • Fear of Rejection
  • Fear of Uncertainty
  • Fear of Something Bad Happening
  • Fear of Getting Hurt
  • Fear of Being Judged
  • Fear of Inadequacy
  • Fear of Loss of Freedom
  • Fear of Change
  • Fear of Loneliness
  • Fear of Failure

If you look at the list of fears, how many of these are currently in your life? For many of our more “overachieving readers,” you might tick a lot of the above. But these are the fears that so many of us struggle with every day in some way or another. However, if you take a step back and look at these fears, you might start to notice something very revealing.

None of these fears are based on reality: a simple example, the fear of change. Our lives have been going through changes since the day we were born. We grow up, have friends, get more friends, friends move away, new school, new relationships, and so on and so on. Why should we be afraid of change if we go through it almost every day of our lives? The best place to start to embrace your fear to start with the fears of what we already have in life, change, success, failure, and rejection.

FACT – just about all our fears in life are based on some extreme worst-case scenario created in our minds. These fears are never realized or could ever really happen, but they have control over our lives. It only when you embrace your fears that you realize the unrealistic nature of your fears.

How to Beat your Fears

 Embrace Your Fears

To embrace your fears might seem like a daunting task. In reality, it is not. Whether you use self-help books or personal development seminars, the process is straightforward.

Figure Out What They Are

We have many little fears, all of which are attached to a past event that we did not like at all. But as we have seen, they are often not based on reality, just in our imagination. So, make a list of your own. It doesn’t matter how many you have. Just put them on paper so you can start scratching them off one by one. Embrace your fears on paper first.

Start at the Bottom

Most likely, you have listed them in order of priority, which means that your worst fear is right on top of the list. Great, because beating your fears is just like anything else in life. It would help if you got used to the process before you get proficient at it. So, embrace your fears, starting with the smallest fear first, starting at the bottom, and practicing embracing this fear till you conquer it.

Take it Easy at First.

If you like, you can get a therapist or counselor to help you out with the process, but the steps are easy. Create a controlled environment where you can face the fear without too much anxiety. This is important for two reasons. Firstly, you will get a clearer understanding of why you have this fear as you go through the process. Secondly, you need to get used to the process of facing your fears so that you can conquer them. Embrace your fears in the least anxious environment first, then take your strength into the world.

Be Real with Yourself

You are not going to get it right the first time. Not only are you facing your fears, but you are also trying a new process. So little mistakes will happen. This is OK. It is the best way to do it. If you sail through the process, you are not fully experiencing the fear and will have to do it again soon. Don’t skimp when you embrace your fears; you only must defeat them once correctly to live a better life.

Take Action

 Embrace Your Fears

To embrace your fears will not always be easy. As you move up the list, you will have ever-increasing scenarios that you have to conquer. For example, if you fear public speaking, try to increase the stakes slowly and get some help from others. If you start by speaking in front of your family, then move to more challenging audiences, you might want to speak to a public speaker on some tips. Public speaking is a widespread fear, and most speakers have had to deal with it at some time in their lives. They will have great advice for you. Please do this for all your fears, find someone who already has beaten your fear, and find out how they did it.

Keep on Keeping On

Regardless of what fear you have, they limit you in some way. For the context of “Embrace your Fears,” we understand that these fears are holding you back from something that you might want to do or achieve. To embrace your fears, you need to be just a little persistent and keep on doing the work. If you follow the process and start small, you will quickly build up the confidence you need to carry on the process and conquer even the biggest of your fears.

You are not Your Fears.

The most important thing to remember is that you are not your fears. They are just temporary obstacles that you conquer when you embrace your fears. You are more than just a few simple little fears. You are a human being; you have a voice that needs to be heard in the world. Regardless of your profession, skillset, or ambitions, you can achieve them if you take conscious steps towards your goals.

Black Sheep Community

One of the best ways to embrace your fears and integrate them until they are part of your being is by surrounding yourself with positive people that share your outlook on life. Life is for living, and you need to be at your best to get the best out of it. So, joining a group of like-minded people will help you embrace your fears and achieve your dreams.

Whether you want to change your local community or affect change on a global scale, conquering your fears is the first step. This simple guide will give you the first building blocks to take the steps that will help you embrace your fears, the fears that have been holding you back. Also, the encouragement of a community focused on creating lasting healthy changes in the world will be the perfect stimulus to getting you to where you want to be.

So, get up, embrace your fears with open arms and be all you can and want to be. One of the cardinal rules is that your fears can never change the person you are unless you let them. As you go through the process, you will see that you are not removing the fears from your life but making them part of your being. Once you integrate your fears, you will experience more inner power than ever before!

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Fear of Lies –  The Reasoning Behind Lies

Fear of Lies – The Reasoning Behind Lies

This might sound like a weird fear to have, considering that if you are fear of lies, you might as well not lie. But in life, you can never really tell if someone is lying to you, nor can you avoid the occasional “white lie” slipping from your mouth. There are very few people that can testify to never telling even the smallest lie in their life.

The thing about lying is that we all step into that trap as kids, and we often get caught out by our parents, yet we never really learn the lesson. Have you ever been brutally honest with your friends and family? It does not always work out so well. So why are we afraid of lying if being honest is not that easy either?

The Origin of Lies

fear of lies

Or rather, why do people lie? The reasoning behind why we lie is not so difficult to understand. We have all experienced the lies told by political figures or even in the workplace. For many of us, the first experience of lies goes back to our childhood days. Everybody has had a moment when you have done something, and you told a little fib to cover it up, like coming home after your curfew or even why you did not do your homework. We develop a fear of lying because we don’t like it or we don’t know how to get out of the lies.

The little lies we often overlook because of the context in which they occur, but there is a valid reason for them at the time. In the examples given, we have genuine reasons we might have fibbed, but we also experienced times when the lies told did not have an apparent reason behind them. These are lies that were told just because we did not remember what happened or because we felt pressured to have an answer. Hence, we build up a fear of lies.
Nobody enjoys being lied to, and very few people get any pleasure from lying. So, the question remains – why do people have a fear of lies? The source of lies is as varied as the lies themselves.

The Reasoning Behind Lies

For all the reasons we might have for telling lies, there is one reason why all these other reasons are secondary. Control. People tell lies to enact a certain level of control over a situation where they feel out of control. Whether it be control of their actions or in control of others’ actions, lies are about control. It’s very selfish reasoning. Yet we often rationalize it by saying we did it to protect others from the truth.

Truth does harm, not can it be dangerous. Truth is real. Lies are not. The fear of lying, however, is. To explain this, I will use a handy real-world example. Politics is all about getting the public to vote for you; first, you need their support to stay in power. So, politicians often are caught in their lies. It seems that they do not have a fear of lying almost. There are even agencies that now fact-check our politicians to keep them honest. Gone are the days of Honest Abe.

So, when you listen to politicians now, you are already thinking in the back of your mind whether or not you should believe what they are saying. We all understand that this is a horrible situation to be in, but we accept it. Because that’s just the way, it is. We don’t want to be lied to, but we don’t take action to try to eliminate them from our lives. So we look past our fear of lying.
This is also true in most relationship contexts; we are so scared of being lied to by our partners who always check up on them and the things they say. This behavior is damning to ourselves and the relationship. Because we will not outright question the person because we don’t want to the right or wrong. Yes, you read correctly. You don’t want to be right about the lies because that would be seen as a failure on your behalf. Again, we look past our fear of lying to our loved ones.

Lying is an Act of Fear

You also don’t want to be wrong because you would have shown that you don’t trust your partner who might lead to a breakdown in your relationship. Trust is the victim of lies. The fear of lying is the perpetrator. Without Trust, we, as human beings, often don’t have any quality of life. And this is how we start acting weirdly around our partners, which causes you both pains, which is all because you fear lying and lies.

Of course, when the story comes out that you have questions, you will possibly blow the situation out of proportion to make your actions seem understandable. And there we are right back to tell little lies to cover things up that might present us in a bad light! Yet, we still have a fear of lies.

The reasons why we tell lies are mainly based on keeping up with our inner picture of ourselves. If we don’t want to be seen as this or that, we will quite possibly tell little “acceptable” lies to maintain our self-image. And the same is true for other people. They will tell little fibs to keep you happy if they think the truth will cause you unhappiness.

Why are we always fighting for the truth, yet we fear lying in the same regard? To be clear, we fight for the perception of truth. To have a feeling of truth is what most of us end up with at the end of the day.

What is Truth?

fear of lies

Truth is what we are all after. Then how do we always end up with a watered-down version of the truth? The problem is a systemic one; we have been taught to accept what sounds like the truth. Yet never question it as it supposedly comes from a trusted source. Suppose you are looking for truth in your life in all things you need to start with yourself. Conquer the fear of lies internally. Songs have been written about it; start with the Man in The Mirror!

We are so scared of having lain in our lives from external sources that we never take the time to evaluate our own “truth-telling.” This is the main reason why we have a fear of lying. We have done it, and we know the type of damage it can do, so we don’t want that for ourselves. But we very possibly might be ok with others getting damaged by lies, whether our own or someone else’s.

If you have a fear of lying or being lied to, then the process starts with you. It would help if you analyzed where you might have lies in your life and put an end to it. That is the only way that you can congruently put a stop to lies in your life. They might be small or big, but they are justified to you by your reasoning.
You will have compelling reasoning for the lies you tell, no matter how small they might be. For the record, the reasoning is consequential only to you. The minute you put the reason for your lies up for analysis by others, they will fall flat on their lying faces.

Common reasons for fear of lies are things like avoiding punishment or concealing reward and benefit. Ever told a police officer that you did not have a drink before you drove home? Or maybe you said your phone was on silent when you missed a call? The lies in our lives are often tiny and insignificant but can often lead to severe pain or discomfort when caught out. Yet we often look past our fear of lying.

What to do about Lies?

In truth, there is nothing that we can do about other people’s lies. We can rarely spot the lie in the act. And we only cause ourselves pain and suffering when we go searching for them. But that does not mean that we should not be insistent on having truth in our lives. But truth starts with you and not with other people, not your spouse and not your leaders. It starts with you. You need to understand your fear of lies first. If you want the truth, then you must be willing to do the work to find it and nurture it. Or you would be forever in a place of yearning for truth while holding on to lies, not to mention living with your fear of lying every day.

Black Sheep Community and fear of lies

The Black Sheep Community could very well be the place where your journey into truth begins. In our community, we strive to reveal the truth behind whatever we are working on. Our fear of lying or lies is often put under the spotlight to conquer it. Whether it be the climate or politics or just understanding the latest trends on social media.

So, if you want to share your truth with people that will respect and honor that truth with their truth, join the Black Sheep Community. Our commitment to truth and openness will surprise you and maybe teach you a couple of things you did not know!

Big Head Ego

Big Head Ego

Big Head Egos, we all know them. We don’t all like them. But is there a place for a big head ego in the world? Does society at large reward a big head ego? Well, the answer is more complicated than you might think. Suppose we look at the last 100 years of history.

There are examples of big head egos and humble people who have significantly impacted our lives.
There are also many examples where having a big head ego created success for individuals. Likewise, again where being humble did the same. Each one of these has its followers and detractors. So, the question then remains, is there still a place for Big Head Egos in the current world and social structure?

What is Big Head Ego?

Well, the concept is just what you think it is. It describes the people we know that are out there, prominent personalities that thrive on others’ admiration. But most importantly, these individuals have an enormous view of themselves. They believe that they have all the answers and all the right questions. They do not see why they would fail, and they always see themselves as just a little better than everyone else.

For the record, there is nothing wrong with having an ego. Having pride in yourself and your accomplishments is healthy. It’sWhen you force it on people, it will become a problem for you and those around you. As a leader in your community, you need to have humility more than being egotistical. A Big Head Ego does have a few advantages, though. In certain circumstances, you do need a larger-than-normal ego to survive.

Big Head Egos of Today

To understand the concept of Big Head Egos a little better. We need to look at the life of a certain ex-president of the USA. You know the man I am talking about. Yes him. Throughout his life, he has always been known for his larger-than-life Ego. Up until a few years ago, this characteristic served him well, for the most part.

As a businessman, he had some great successes earlier in life. This is where the ego attitude was born and bred. It is also where we can see the potential positives of a big head ego. Here is a man surrounded by a whole team of people who all worked on various projects and for his companies. Yet when there were any accolades to handed out, he was the only one that would stand up and receive them.

With the many properties that his company developed, he even went as far as placing his name on the buildings. This is not necessarily evidence of a big head ego; however, if you add the persona of the guy to the mix, that when the real truth comes out.

Significant head ego individuals don’t do everything themselves; they surround themselves with people that are willing to do their bidding without question. If you take a closer look at his life and how he got to where he is today, you will see the charismatic effect that a big head ego can have on people.

Modus Operandi of Big Head Ego

Big Head Ego

A big head ego wants to be the main character in their legend. They will display their achievements and material property in the public eye to get praise and admiration. In the public eye, this guy would be flaunting attachments like his model wife, business success, basically anything that would make him stand out from the crowd.

The psychology behind a big head ego is one of narcissism. The definition of narcissism is in love with the idealized grandiose image of self. This means that you always want to project the brand image that you have in your head about yourself to the world. If we look at our subjects’ lives, we can see how this has played out over the years.

As I said before, for the most part, this was a successful strategy for him. He had many successes and even had a career on tv as a reality show host. There is much to be said for the success that he has had in the past. Yet he also had many failures, and the real test of a big head ego is how they deal with failure.

Any success will be blown out of proportion and will be pontificated from the rooftops. Yet failures will be explained away, and responsibility will be laid in front of other people or circumstances door. If whatever they were doing goes well, it was all because of their leadership and input. But when the project fails, they have 101 excuses as to why it did not go well; sometimes, he even stated that he did not believe it would work from the get-go.

The downfall comes when the big head ego attempts something that needs more than just Ego and past skills. When you are so used to your environment, you do not see the need for growth or learning. You attempt to become the leader of the free world.
Unless you have been living under a rock for the last five years, you will surely know what I am talking about. Our subject became the American president, based on principles that only spoke to the egos of others. I will not get political, but as I am sure the audience is firmly divided on our subject, I will delve just slightly.

Big Egos Always Fall

Our subject’s political promises and commitments made played into an untapped ego psyche of the American people. In the land of the free and home of the brave, you need a little ego to survive. Fortunately for him, there was more than enough of it to make him president.
As a leader, he excelled at doing the unpopular popular thing, trying to fulfill his outlandish promises, and stoking the fires of separation. See, a big head ego needs to be admired and praised, and this will only happen if your admirers are in your camp, especially at this level of leadership.

The behavior of the big head ego is always about strutting and prancing. I say that because you will never see big head egos walk into a room looking down. They will always walk into a room, eyes up and looking straight at the room and sizing you up. Bighead egos arrive; they don’t join. Bighead egos expect that you must be in awe of their presence and hang on their every word. No matter how insensible it might be.

Over the term of his presidency, there are many examples of how the big head ego that might have served him well in business made him the laughing stock of the world. People in America and throughout the world would weekly discuss the latest act of big head ego and how it just does not do any good. Except for maybe himself. He was surrounded by people that would do his bidding. And the minute they spoke against him, they would be removed from the spotlight and replaced.

The final failing of big head ego was during the last year when COVID struck. If you look at the rest of the world’s response to the pandemic and how the USA responded, you see the effect that a big head ego can have on situations. The American response is arguably the worst in the world. And this is not talking about all the other examples of how big head ego would not accept the facts and started making them up to suit himself and his narrative.

Authentic Ego

In contrast, if you examine the president before our big head ego, you see what an authentic ego looks like. A man that came up just like we all did work hard and won the office on statements that included the people around him. He worked tirelessly to achieve what he truly believed was in everyone’s interest. He invoked trust and confidence when he spoke, and he never lied. The contrast to big head ego is also Ego. But an ego that is founded in humility and compassion. Where big head ego is one founded on self-idolism and self-importance.

Black Sheep Community

Being part of the Black Sheep Community means you must be strong and able to defend yourself when tested in social surroundings. Your cause, whatever it might be, will get scrutinized and your opinion will be questioned, and your Ego will take a beating. Ego is part of us all, and we must be mindful not to let it get out of hand and nurture it to be strong. Your healthy Ego will give you the ability to persevere and make it through whatever you need to. Be surrounded by like-minded people, and you will see the effect of a robust and authentic ego and how to nurture it in your life.

What are the bases of power

What are the bases of power

               The bases of power cannot be discussed if we do not know what power itself means. Many people have different definitions of power depending on the context of the usage or the aspect of life it is being talked about. For instance, power in physics is the ability to do work, or power to a gym instructor is the strength gained as a product of exercises. However, we are not talking about that. We are interested in how power relates to our life experiences and what are the bases of power?

What is Power?

Power is the influence that leaders have over their followers. It can also mean the authority a leader has over his followers. An individual may have and use power, but a leader cannot be without power. The ability to influence their followers to achieve the team’s goal and improve their performances is what makes them leaders, and this cannot be done without power. Without power, the leaders look like one of the majorities. Their power is measured by the extent of the influence and motivation they have on their followers to achieve a peculiar goal even when they don’t want to do it.


While power and leadership might play different roles in some aspects, they are interwoven. I have seen people describe power as the ability to control people or their activities, but leaders use it to inspire and motivate their followers to achieve the best out of them. Leadership studies are in various styles with diverse nature and definitions.

What is a leader without power? Although not everyone knows what to do with power when they have it, an individual might be one of the most diplomatic and great personalities when still being a follower but might lose their heads when they get power. Nicole Lipkin, the author of the book “What keeps leaders up at night,” says in the book that “Power tends to get to people’s heads; We are not trained to handle power well.”


Bases of power can be defined as the approach that leaders utilize to impact or influence their followers. There were first the five (5) bases which were identified and analyzed by social psychologists John R. P. French and Bertram Raven in 1959, and six (6) years later, Bertram Raven added the sixth (6th) base. Bases of power can be categorized into two power sources which are: Positional Power Sources and Personal Power Sources.


1.Legitimate Power:

This is a given power or trust in the followers or employees that the leader or the manager can make the right call or decisions. It comes from an elected, selected, or appointed position of power. This comes from the belief that a person has the formal right to make demands and expect others to be compliant and obedient.

It is a product of election (often in government or a big organization) or selection (also in a big organization having considered being eligible for the position). Nicole Lipkin added that “If you have this power, it’s essential that you understand that this power was given to you (and can be taken away)’ so don’t misuse it.”


These things often happen in government or any organization. When a person wins an election to be in a post or has been selected to be in a leadership position, if the majority believes the person deserves it, there will be a smooth working relationship between them, but if otherwise, the movie is a bad one of the working relationships, teamwork and the growth of the company. Legitimate power only works when their authority is acknowledged, and their positions are accepted by the followers (majorities).

2. Coercive Power:

Another basis of power we are considering is Coercive power. It uses the threat of force to gain compliance and obedience from the followers. The main idea behind this is getting people to do things irrespective of their opinions. The main goal is compliance. This idea is power-based. In some terms, it is regarded as Punishment power because it involves force, threat, or punishment to attain its goal.

In the long run, coercive power will make a leader lose respect and loyalty from his followers. Such a leader will be leading with fear no matter how good his intentions are. The working environment becomes very hostile and hot for workers and followers. Coercive power is needed at some point during hard times for the organization, but the bad thing is you can’t build credibility with coercive power. People will see such a leader as a bully and power-drunk.

It reduces the working ability in people and also their self-esteem. As a leader, you can punish a worker or a follower for misconduct or indiscipline, but when you employ the major tools of coercive power, which are threats and punishment, people will lose interest.

3. Reward Power: 

This power is based on the leader’s ability to provide rewards to motivate their followers. It is a reward for someone’s ability to comply with the organization’s rules and regulations and achieve something meaningful through that. In this type of power, the leader can give out rewards (Tangible or psychological). Tangible rewards could include promotion, office space, time off from work, a hike in salaries, and incentives. Psychological rewards could include help to such individuals, praise, recommendations, and recognition.

This kind of power helps to improve team spirit and productivity. Unlike the aforementioned bases of power, reward power increases the chances of likeness for the leader among the followers, thereby gaining respect, compliance, and obedience when he gives orders. This is a practicable example we are all familiar with. If people know that you will reward them for doing something, there is a high probability that they will do it effectively.

The issue with this basis of power is that when the rewards don’t have much value in the followers’ sight, unlike before, the power weakens. And also, you don’t get to promote people every time or increase their salaries to balance the company’s financial state or organization.

4. Informational Power:

 This is a short-term power that doesn’t necessarily build influence or credibility. It involves having control over vital information that others need or want. In this modern age, we are at right now where information is vital can place the one who has it in a position of power.

Information can be used as a weapon to manipulate, extort, share or attain some more important positions. You can also help others with it by providing them with the necessary information that they need.



1. Referent Power: 

Referent power has been over the years the best basis of power that a leader should adopt because it’s all about the quality of the relationship developed with others and how the relationship is built. This type of power results from a person’s perceived attractiveness, worthiness, and right to others’ respect.

It comes from people liking and respecting a particular person due to some traits. This is very common with celebrities. They have referent power. That is why they can influence people to buy some things or become influencers for some products or organizations. In an organization where the leader has referent power, his presence makes everyone feel good, obedient, and reliant.

Although, referent power can be easily abused because, in most cases, you don’t do anything to earn it. Someone likable by everyone may lack integrity and loyalty. Someone who does nothing to earn the likeness from people can do anything when he gets the power. He might use the position for personal advantages. Using referent power singularly by a leader is not a good strategy for respect and longevity. When combined with expert power, it makes the leader very admirable and becomes a role model.

2. Expert Power: 

This type of power uses knowledge and skills to understand every situation at hand, suggest viable solutions, and make solid judgments to gain people’s respect and trust. One of the best ways to build and maintain expert power and improve your leadership skills is by showing convenience, good decision-making, rational thinking, and solution-providing contents.

Someone’s professional knowledge and competence give him or her expert power. A leader’s credibility increases when others can notice and trust his judgments and decisions. Building expert power is an effective foundation for a good leader.

The power comes directly from attained knowledge, skills, and years of experience. He or she won’t look like a novice or a half-baked leader who is directing the followers. The people will feel their expertise and will regard the authority when they make decisions. The great thing about this kind of power is that nobody can take it away from you because it is the knowledge that you have. To remain an expert, continuous learning and improvement will help you to keep your status and influence.

               In conclusion, understanding these bases of power will help you understand the dynamics of power as a leader. You can choose to function as a partner when working with followers, a coach, or a boss.

Emotional Resistance: The Fear of Change & How to Overcome It?

Emotional Resistance: The Fear of Change & How to Overcome It?

Don’t let emotional resistance make decisions for you; else, you will be unhappy your entire life. Have you experienced waking up one day and making a change in your life that is constructive, enriching, and positive? It was easy to come up with the change, but then you see your motivation fading away. Perhaps you decided to eat well, sleep better or start exercising, yet you feel compelled to behave in ways that sabotage your goals.

You may procrastinate, delay, or avoid doing things that you know can bring a positive change in your life until you feel stuck, feel to take a break, or give up. The habit seems doable at first, but then mind and body resist it.

It can be frustrating and disappointing when you try to improve yourself repeatedly, and then nothing happens. You think you are pushing yourself hard and doing the possible best to find returning to your old ways. You plan, get motivated and then push yourself hard, stop, and end up getting mad at yourself.

It seems to be a vicious cycle of getting unmotivated and procrastinating to make yourself better. But it is a normal response of your brain to change. In psychology, this phenomenon is referred to as emotional Resistance.

Just to let you know, you are not alone, and almost everybody in their lifetime has experienced it. So stop getting mad at yourself.

What is Emotional Resistance?

Emotional Resistance

Emotional Resistance is like the barrier between the person you are and the person you want to be. If you are not mindful, then this wall can be invisible. When it happens, you will keep on bumping the wall desperately in an attempt to reach the other side.

For instance, imagine that you have your eyes on something you really want and are eagerly waiting for the same like forever. You run into it hastily and then hit a bump that you didn’t see, and it strikes you back and makes you fall on your butt. If you are not patient and not wise, you will keep pushing the wall and get yourself hurt.

The emotional Resistance stops you from improving yourself, and besides, it can cause you to go against your best interest. As a result, you self-sabotage by gnawing at negative thoughts and not committing to your improvement.

Two Types of Emotional Resistance

When you introduce any change, good or bad, your brain triggers the fight or flight response. As a result, it leads to psychological discomforts, and it makes you come up with a different mechanism for coping to avoid discomfort.

No matter how badly you want to change and how good it is, the fear or pain of changing will be more. Your mind convinces you that it is easier to ignore the pain and resist change. But the fact is it’s easier to tolerate the pain and make the change than to avoid or resist it.

There are two types of emotional Resistance:

Emotional Avoidance

It includes denying your feelings. You dull the pain you are feeling by the usage of drugs or alcohol. You tend to design an action to prevent any emotion that causes discomfort to you, such as sadness, shame, or fear.

Unconscious Negative Emotions

It involves the negative emotions that come from the fear of change unconsciously and the pain it can cause emotionally. So, accepting the pain and becoming conscious of your feelings can resolve and eliminate them.

Different Faces of Emotional Resistance

Resistance is the psychological reaction to change, and it is like a self-protection technique where you struggle or oppose the change. Despite being highly motivated to bring positive change in the best interest, you fight the same psychologically.

You are not aware of the Resistance as it occurs subconsciously, making everything a lot more complicated. For most of you, Resistance can be seen as an internal conflict between the two parts of yourself- one part of you wants to bring a change, and the other secretly fights it. The secret or covert emotional Resistance can feel like a rebel in you.

Moreover, Resistance can also be physiological. As you need extra efforts, brainpower, and energy to bring the change, Resistance can evoke uncomfortable physical feelings such as lethargy, tiredness, and slow movement patterns.

When you combine both the physiological and psychological components of Resistance, you can see the following emotional and behavioral states:


It is pretty easy to get distracted by little unimportant things, especially when you have something important to do, like an unorganized desktop or a messy room. This is since your subconscious mind focuses on minute details that obstruct you from seeing the more significant scenario.


It is a problem of emotional regulation and not time management. Even though you want to get up and bring a change in your life for good, you still keep on postponing your development. You will always come up with some excuse or another that why you can’t do it already.


It is one of the main components of change. The change makes you anxious, and you have no idea about the same. Fear can be of anything. It might be what if you fail, get criticized, or get laughed at. It is pretty scary for you, but it is irrelevant and irrational if you see it from another person’s point of view.


Also referred to as paralysis-by-analysis, it happens when you overthink what you should do, whether you do it or not, what if it’s not good, and so on. This all can paralyze you. There are many things you need to think about as you want it to be perfect. But the real question that you need to ask yourself is that you are really thinking of such scenarios or just scared to start.


Whenever you make a mistake, you find something or someone else to blame on. It is never your fault. Perhaps this is your way of finding an escape route from your responsibilities.


When you are trying to change, you are doing things differently from your routine. Your mind gets overwhelmed with what all is happening. You want to take a step down, and this may evoke fear of not achieving your goals. So, you start making decisions that lead to sabotaging your life.

Wastage of Time

Another form of Resistance is wasting your time in doing things that are least necessary at that moment. For instance, when you know you have a presentation the next day, which can help you get near to your goal, but you are struggling with it, so instead of putting in the effort, you sit back and binge-watch on Netflix.

In addition, Resistance takes a lot of forms apart from the ones mentioned above like:

·         Delaying

·         Making excuses

·         Feeling stuck

·         Low motivation

·         Avoidance

·         Perfectionism

·         Giving up

How to Overcome Emotional Resistance?

Emotional Resistance

Resistance is the part of your brain’s defense system, but when it realizes it is for good, your mind will accept the change. You can overcome emotional Resistance with the help of strategies.

Recognizing and Acknowledge Resistance

The first and foremost step to resolve any issue is to find what is wrong and acknowledge it. To identify emotional Resistance:

1.      Be aware of yourself and your feeling.

2.      Be mindful of the pattern that you follow in your routine.

3.      Observe your feelings, thoughts, and behavior.

Make a list of the past forms of Resistance you have experienced, such as tiredness, overwhelm, self-sabotage, procrastination, or wanting to quit. Keep it handy, so you can identify it for what it is whenever you feel Resistance creeping in.

Plan and Prepare

Emotional Resistance is going to increase whenever you face unexpected hindrances. So, always plan and be prepared for things that could get in the way of your goals. You must plan for all the possible obstacles that can come and have your strategies ready so that you don’t fear or find yourself an excuse and let your Resistance overpower you.

Don’t Lose Focus

A goal is crucial to keep you on track, and it should be to move forward. You will get your lefts and rights in the journey, but it’s important not to lose the Focus to achieve your goal. Whenever you get lost, remember why you want that change? What will happen after you obtain that change? With this in mind, you can push yourself to get over emotional Resistance.

Build Your Support Network

Change can be tricky. When Resistance strikes, it becomes more challenging, and you feel the need to deal with it by yourself. But, you can gain from others’ invaluable experience. Before you start, build your support team. It could be anybody- your trusted colleague, friend, a family member, or an online group, and they will help you to five that extra push you need.

Learn from Experience

Each time you encounter Resistance, you have the chance to learn from it. Instead of being frustrated or disappointed or judging your disabilities, you can take it as a learning experience. It will help you to plan better and enhance your optimism for the future.

Are You All Set to Conquer Your Resistance? – Conclusion

Change can be complicated, and emotional Resistance can be annoying and frustrating. You want to bring changes in your life to make it better and improve yourself, but instead end up ruining it more.

You need to remember that emotional Resistance is average, and your brain is just defending you. Try not to ignore or avoid Resistance. Instead, expect Resistance to change. But with little effort, you can train your brain to accept the changes. When you understand why it happens and how it occurs, you can positively focus on dealing with it.

Emotional Resistance is a valuable learning experience. Leverage it.

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Are leaders born or made?

Are leaders born or made?

               Whether leaders are born or made has been a word for debate and argument over the years. As long as this question has lasted, no definite answer has been provided. There have been examples of historical figures that came naturally to leadership and also, there have been examples of leaders who built their leadership skills with experience and tenacity. Many schools of thought believe that just like people are naturally talented in arts, music, and other talent-related gifts, people can be born with this leadership skill. So, to answer the question is simple – leaders can be born and made.

               Are leaders born or made? To understand the concept of leadership, both the in-birth aspect (born leaders – genetic components) and the building aspect (made leaders – experience and environmental influences) must be considered. This question can go on for many years to come, with people still debating over it. We must examine the leadership concept from both sides of the argument (are leaders born or made?).

Many people believe that if you gather about 20 young children of the same age to play together in a place, it is a high possibility that a leader will emerge among them in no time. It might not necessarily be for leading them, but the leader naturally emerges in making decisions, choosing allies, and so on other leadership decisions.

               When thinking about excellent leaders, whether present or historical, it is possible to ask how they became notable leaders. That is where the question comes in again if they were born with the leadership qualities that they possess or they were made. Thomas Carlyle, in his book, “The Great Man Theory,” said those leadership traits are intrinsic, which means that great leaders are born and show up when faced with challenges.

However, leadership has been taught as well. Many organizations invest time and money to help workers develop good leadership skills. We see these things every day. Some people possess certain leadership characters that are just natural for them. Examples include charisma, bringing the best out of others, flowing with people irrespective of attachments, motivating people, inspiring people, and lots more. In cases like this, one can easily recognize that such people are naturally inclined and gifted with leadership skills.


               At some point in our lives, we have acknowledged and have appreciated some born leaders instead of defending one perspective to suit our needs. They are not far from been found. They possess great charisma and noticeable presence (not by appearance but words of wisdom) combined with great decision-making skills, which make them stand out. We have all had excellent class captains, group leaders, and team leaders who display excellent leadership skills at a very young age. These are born leaders. Leaders are born and not made; we need to examine genetics’s role in attaining leadership skills.

               Over the past few years, studies and researches have been carried out to show if leadership traits are genetic or hereditary. One of these famous studies is the twin studies. This study involves twins of the same genetical composition and is examined. The twin study assessment helps to show that leadership traits can be right from birth. Identical twins or monozygotic twins are the best for this kind of study because they share 100% of their genetic material, unlike fraternal twins or dizygotic twins, who only share 50%of their genetic material. This test or study is carried out under two conditions: genetic or behavioral differences and environmental influences on their leadership skills.

Results from this study show that leadership to a certain level or degree is genetic. This study has further expatiated with each of the twins put in a very distinct and different environment. The study still shows that the differences were not much. Historically, we can see examples of twins who have demonstrated good leadership skills. Notable examples include NASA astronauts Mark and Scott Kelly; Julian and Joaquin Castro, who display their leadership qualities at different services.

               Undisputable pieces of evidence have further shown that leaders are born and not made. This leads us to the trait theory. The trait theory is built on the opinion that leaders are born and not made, making leadership qualities in-born and not something that can be learned or taught. Under this, scholars have outlined some major characteristics that determine a good leader. These characteristics include physiological attributes, demographical factors, and intelligence level.

Physiological attributes comprise seeable factors such as appearance, height, dress sense, and lots more.

Demographical factors comprise the educational level and background, age, family records, and background.

Intelligence level – this comprises the person’s ability in question, which includes decision making, charisma, content loaded, knowledge, etc.


               There are many definitions of leadership, but there is generally acceptable and cuts across all the initial definitions. We all know leadership to be a process through which a person influences and motivates others to accomplish a team goal. We will be looking at some born leaders, both present and historical. In our quest to finding out if leaders are born or made, we have some examples of born leaders below:

1. Mahatma Gandhi


Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, popularly known as Mahatma Gandhi, was born on the 2nd of October 1869. He was a renowned Indian lawyer, anti-colonial nationalist, and political ethicist. He became an important part of India’s independence story by employing nonviolent resistance and protest by leading them to freedom in 1947. He was notably known for his quotes, motivational speeches, resilience, and leading by example.

2. Abraham Lincoln


Abraham Lincoln was the 16th American president was formally worked as a statesman and a lawyer. Lincoln led the country through the most challenging moment in the nation’s history and preventing them from breaking into smaller parts. He used his leadership skill to keep the people together and ended slavery by signing the emancipation proclamation.

3. George Washington


George Washington, also known as the United States of America’s founding father, was an American political leader, military general, statesman, and the first president of the United States. He led the American revolution that won the war of independence and presided at a constitutional convention in 1787 which brought about a federal government and the U.S. constitution.

4. Nelson Mandela


Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela was a South African political leader who led the anti-apartheid revolutionary. He served as president from 1994 to 1999. He served a long prison sentence due to his fight against racism and apathy. This encouraged Mandela the more with his goal of uniting the country. He was the first black head of states in the country.

               This is to mention a few. Many other born leaders (active and historical) have made waves in their area of influence.

Notable Mentions: Adolf Hitler, Mao Zedong, Fidel Castro, Winston Churchill, ZurielOduwale (Born in July 2002, and has been receiving international recognition since the age of 8. She has interviewed about 30 different presidents and head of states).

               With the few examples above, we can prove to an extent if true leaders are born or made.



               Are leaders born or made? Having said all above, born leadership skill is not enough, it has to be worked upon. Not born with any of the likable or most common leadership skills doesn’t mean that you cannot make a good leader. For instance, introverts who find it hard to mix with people are contrary to the aforementioned leadership skill of charisma and presence, they can make a good leader if they can learn and put into action things they have learned.

How then do you develop leadership traits?

– Assess yourself: Self-evaluation, self-reflection and self-assessment are the most important step in the initial stage of finding yourself. This is you telling yourself the truth and finding out more hidden things about yourself. An effective leader must be able to find out what are his or her strengths and weaknesses. This will help the person to understand what are the things he or she is good with and things that are difficult for him.

As we have said, leaders can be born, it doesn’t automatically make them a perfect person, they only have more visible strength, but they have a weakness. When assessing yourself gives you an insight into what you need to improve upon and how to go about it.

– Show empathy: To be an effective leader, you must be able to feel what the followers are feeling. You must put yourself in their shoes and experience the act of followership. What makes an effective leader is an awareness and understanding of what is going on at every point.

– Build yourself: As it has been rightly said above, in-built leadership skill is not enough. A leader that depends only on his natural ability will not go far. We now have leadership courses in the universities today, they are there to help improve.

– Join the Black Sheep Community: The Black Sheep community helps to make future thought leaders. We are on a mission to help people become great leaders with experts in various fields as your coach.

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