Serving Leader, the elusive leadership skill that helps your team or organization succeed above all else. Or is it the Nirvana of leadership that we all strive for?
Being a serving leader has been said to be the best type of leader that you can be. The question is, how do you know that you are a serving leader? Servant leadership skills are well-known, but how do we keep ourselves in line and on track.
Well, the answer is more straightforward than you might imagine. With so much written and posted about serving leaders and their attributes, getting a clear understanding of your path to becoming a serving leader is relatively easy.
How to Become a Serving Leader
As mentioned, there is plenty of literature on serving leaders and how to gauge if you are on track or not. However, trying to find your direction through the mountains of information could be a task all on its own.
After many books, articles, and blogs, there seems to be a common thread on being a serving leader. These are commonalities that give any who are interested a guideline on how to become a serving leader.
Lead from the Front, Guide from the Back
Serving Leaders keep their focus and keep their teams and organizations focused. They do this by enabling the team to see them working on their goals. They keep their people focused on the result or product of their efforts and constantly give them clear explanations of their respResponsibility
leading from the front means clear, undeniable clarity of the organization’s direction and focus, with each member knowing their part and understanding the value they bring to the team. Guiding from the back means you are always there to encourage and refocus your team on the goals of the team
Flatten the Organizational Pyramid
Many leaders have worked hard to get to the top, making us just a little entitled. Being a serving leader requires you to forget about the top and become part of the team so that they can relate to you as a team member, not as the “fearless leader.”
By making yourself part of the working team, you will not only inspire your team to work harder and better, but you will also be better at sharing your knowledge and skills with the team. Conventional management understanding is not part of a serving leader’s skillset.
They place themselves at the same level as the rest of the team to better be part of the top, a better leader. They are open to all suggestions and new ways of achieving common goals.
Praise and Congratulate
Serving leaders give credit where credit is due, always. One of the most powerful ways of building a great team is giving credit when someone performs well. And also, when they don’t do so well. The effort, albeit not successful, is still effort, and your job as a serving leader is to encourage the effort and congratulate them on their successes, no matter how small.
This will help you build a strong team that is always up for the extra hours because they know that you will be there every step of the way. Serving leaders are part of the team, not the leader of the team.
Excellence is the Only Standard
Serving leaders choose their team very precisely, and they are particular about the standard of work required and expected. When your team understands that they have been chosen for their excellence, they work harder knowing that you are setting the standard from the very beginning.
This is probably the most encouraging factor in the serving leader toolbox. You also create further opportunities for your team; their excellence means that they aspire to their greatness. Creating your perfect team means that your team will eventually go on their leadership journey. As a serving leader, you should use this characteristic as the yardstick for being part of your team.
Build Relationships, Achieve Results
One of the critical attributes of a serving leader is relationship building on equal footing. Your relationship with your team is based on equality and skills sharing. Thus they learn from your guidance without any interference of the unproductive mindsets. The old saying that business is about people gets deeper meaning in this context.
Your people are the reason for your success, and their contribution is more than just a skill or idea. Their contribution is their natural character, and so is yours. Once you start building meaningful relationships with your team members beyond the workplace, you will see a massive difference in your team’s results.
Are You a Serving Leader?
If you believe that you are a serving leader, you might want to double-check to be sure. Think of it this way, and if you have to ask, then you might not be. Servant leadership is much deeper than just a couple of skills that you apply. It’s a deeper consciousness that grows from humility about self and people’s understanding.
Let me explain. Being a serving leader means you have to be humble about yourself and build up others, your team, to greatness, thus achieving your greatness. Being humble does not mean you think of yourself as less than, but instead, you think of yourself less – taken from “The Power of Ethical Management” by Ken Blanchard and Norman Vincent Peale.
Another way of getting to grips with the question of Serving Leaders is by understanding the core characteristics of Serving Leaders. These are:
Listening – active listening is a powerful skill. By listening to your team actively, you will be able to resolve conflicts, give direction, and clearly understand your team’s motivations.
Empathy – understanding your team emotionally helps you understand their state of mind. This makes you a better sounding board for them and gives you more EQ information about your team.
You are healing – not in the medical sense but in the mental and emotional context. The emotional and mental strength of your team will have a direct impact on their performance.
Awareness of Self – your emotional state will be communicated in your interaction with your team. Being aware of how your mental state will affect your team helps you get the message across in a more productive manner.
Power of Persuasion -serving leaders are persuasive and use this ability to encourage their team and get the best out of their team. This helps you keep the team on track and builds your expert status, making them more committed to the team and you.
Conceptualization – your team has a goal, a dream. If you cannot dream big, your team will not achieve big. Your ability to dream big and connect those dreams to the current reality is a core function of a serving leader.
Future Pacing – being able to predict the future by being in touch with the past and present. This is not a magical power but a simple ability to understand your team’s most likely future impact by being aware of past achievements.
Responsibility – serving leaders take respResponsibilityspResponsibility the teams’ actions, good and bad, the team direction, and maintaining that direction. You become the steward of the team, and you care and guide them every step of the way.
Encourage GrowthGrowth – you have built a strong team and perform well, but they will not always be your team. You encourage them to better themselves and build their path even if it takes them away from your team. Foster an environment of GrowthGrowth, not stagnation.
Community Management– your team is a community, and they will muster behind you if you have theirs. Please become part of the community as a regular member, not as the leader, and your team will blow you away with their commitment and strengths.
These skills, attributes, or management styles are not just buzz words. They are fundamental skills that a serving leader will apply without even thinking. A serving leader will build a great team and build each member up based on their skills and abilities.
They lead from the front, but you will never find them; they will be in trenches with their team working on the problem and creating cohesion and success.
Black Sheep Community
One might think that a community aimed at bringing together the “black sheep” of the world might not be the best place for a serving leader, but you would be dead wrong. The world today distrusts leadership based on all the failed leaders that have come before.
You are a leader in the modern world requires, no demands that you become a serving leader. Regardless of where you operate, corporate, social, or just in your local community, you need to build your serving leadership skills before you can make the change that is needed.
So, maybe it’s time you interact with other aspiring serving leaders to become part of a team that will encourage and builds you up to be the best you. Check out the value chain by reading more here.
benefits of growing your network: Active professional networking is vital for a career or business growth. Many look uninterested when they hear the word “Networking” and immediately associate it with illegal meetings, cheesy events, or the idea of selling yourself. Most of the time, it is not their fault, as many do not know the meaning of networking.
What is Networking?
Networking is meeting and building a long-term relationship with new people who share a professional or industrial interest to develop a good reputation over time. In simple terms, it involves meeting people you can assist and who can potentially be of help to you. A good networking system has a basis of trust, support, and availability of value. This means that both sides must have something to put on the table to further strengthen the relationship.
It is rare to find a one-sided network. Once the push and assistance come from one side without them gaining anything in return, it may weary that side. Many people find it hard to reach out to strangers; this might be detrimental to their success. Professional networking often takes place in informal and formal settings such as events, offices, one-on-one meetings, email, LinkedIn, or industrial associations.
You will want to say we meet different people every day; is that networking as well? Yes, you may be right, but what sets networking apart from other meetings is your intention. You could imagine a guy walking up to a young lady on a cold night out, normally, there could be an ulterior motive but intention matters. The goal is for professionals to meet, connect and help each other grow in their respective careers.
Networking can happen anywhere; your intention is key. It could happen when old friends meet, at birthday parties, etc. As an entrepreneur or a professional, building a successful business or career takes a lot of time. Having a good network of friends and associates to draw energy from is helpful. By surrounding yourself with people of the same ambition, drive, and energy, you are more likely to move forward. Networking is not about connecting with a vast number of people; it is connecting with the right people who can help you grow.
Importance of Networking
Interacting with people from different professions, cultures, backgrounds, and nationality gives you a broader scope of life. Your urge to learn more increases every time you socialize with people of different ages, points of view, or beliefs. Let’s see some vital and common importance of networking.
1. Connect with different people
Networking allows you to connect with different people. You get to meet people who have another point of view, people with similar goals as you, etc. These are people who could help or potentially help you in the future. The gift of men is the most underrated among men. However, you must sieve those that you want. Not everyone that wants to meet you is a good person. Many have the ambition but lack the character to maintain a relationship.
2. Strengthen business connections
Networking is about sharing and not talking alone. There could be instances where you meet someone of higher status and they see the potential in you. Such a person might want to help you and invest heavily because he knows you will one day reciprocate. Networking is about developing trust and helping one another towards achieving our goals. By regular engagements with your contacts and finding means of helping them strengthen your connection. Also, you are sowing the seed for reciprocal assistance when you need help in the nearest future.
Basically, networking will result in opportunities. It is therefore left to you to know how the opportunity will come. It might come in the form of referrals, partnerships, or requests for your service. You must be ready to seize the opportunity when they come and also do a good job for another time.
There are many talented professionals out there who lack the proper connection. It is not easy to be easily spotted in the crowd, especially in a world of fierce competition. Networking allows you to sell what you have or what you can do to people. When you start building a relationship with the right people and talk more about the values you can add, it brings a speedy process. If they don’t need your expertise, they might know someone who needs it.
It can also help you secure a good job or referrals.
5. Increase your confidence
It is not easy to talk and connect with strangers. This is one of the problems many people have in networking. How will I start? When can I act professionally or casually? Do I have to rehearse words before going? You need the confidence to be able to approach strangers and build a connection. The more you do that, the more you build your confidence.
6. Get fresh ideas
One of the beauties of networking is meeting people of different scopes and ideas. Networking could be an amazing source of new ideas and viewpoints. Discussing and sharing information on some challenges, goals, and experiences will allow you to gain new insights. When you hear about other people’s success stories, it gives you the drive to succeed. Riding in the wings of connection might help you when you are struggling with some decisions in your life and career.
7. Build mentorship
As flattering as it might look, most people love being asked for help. It makes them feel useful. You could become a mentor or find a mentor when you network. Receiving immediate advice from experienced colleagues is important, especially when they have gone through a similar journey in life and career. It provides you with the opportunity to discuss common challenges and get instant advice and solutions. In addition to that, it might also be you offering advice and providing solutions to people who need it.
8. Positive health effects
Aside from all the job and career advantages discussed above, networking has a positive health effect. As you build relationships, you establish a sense of importance. There is an emotional boost when people help you, or you help people. It has been proven that the greatest predictor of long-term happiness and success is social connection.
Hindrances to Networking
Here I’m going to explain the Hindrances of Networking:
Lack of proper communication skills
One of the most common hindrances to networking is a lack of proper communication skills. Many people do not know how to converse and sustain conversations. Some people are rude and mannerless in their approach, making it difficult to cement a relationship.
Individual differences make networking difficult. Although people may share common goals and ambitions and even tread the same career path, but have individual differences. Individual differences are inevitable in networking because you are meeting new and total strangers. That is why it is sometimes important to keep the relationship professional.
The presence of trust issues may also hinder networking. Some people find it hard to trust another person, hindering their disposition of ideas and knowledge. It may make them hold back some career tips or vital information. However, this could change over time as you build a healthy relationship.
Imbalance in values
A balance in value is rare in networking; networking can be hindered when a party feels they are offering more than what the other party is doing. Networking is about sharing but what happens when the sharing is not balanced? It is not a must you chase a relationship; if it is not helping, cut off from it.
Fear of releasing information to a rival
Some people are reluctant to share or seek advice because of the fear of giving the competitors a clue about their success.
How to start networking
Before networking, have a goal and a strategy. Your manner of approach matters and it might require you to build yourself. Initiating exciting conversations with strangers doesn’t happen overnight, especially for people who are introverts. It takes time to build excellent communication skills. There is no perfect style to initiate conversation or rules that guide you; develop that approach that best suits you. Different tactics and approaches for different people; what works for network A might not work for network B.
Good communication skills require creativity. To determine your best approach, you may have to try various strategies. There is a wide range of approaches ranging from complimenting someone’s outfit, acknowledging their beauty, or making jokes about their present situation. Implementing your most comfortable approach will aid your networking goals. After identifying your best approach, the next is to find places and events to network.
– Develop a good communication skills
– Look for professional and social opportunities
– Plan ahead
– Leave a positive impression
– Constant follow up
Frequently asked questions:
Here are the some Frequently asked questions:
What skills do I need to grow my network effectively?
Ans: Communication skills, interpersonal and relationship skills, and wisdom of rightly choosing your networks.
Must I strive to keep all my connections?
Ans: No, keep those that are helpful to you.
Can I restrict my relationships to formal and work alone?
Ans: No, over time, you will know those connections that need to be sustained and can be taken further.
Finally, nourishing your relationship is crucial. Follow up on your new friends and mentors. Having a good reputation with a wide range of people will increase your chances of advancing career-wise or job appointments and referrals.
This article is all about thought-forms manifestation.
Thought Forms Manifestation: More often than not, people live through life with no idea what they want. From birth, we are told to fit ourselves in neat boxes and never stray out of the said box. We are assigned a role and expected to play that role until the very end. But is that a way to live? Every once in a while, a person will come around who will assert their individuality. They will realize that life is not just about following the path laid out for them but is about forging their own path. And these people tend to be thought leaders.
And if you identified with the message in this passage, then you might be one too! If you never feel at ease with following the path most taken, then you are in the right place.
Often thought leaders are so used to people shooting down their ideas that they inherently internalize their behavior and start to shoot their own ideas down too!
This is incredibly dangerous if you are an individualistic thinker; self-doubt can kill the thought leader in you! A lot of times, even though leaders develop self-doubt due to constant societal pressure to adhere to standard thinking patterns. We want you to unlearn this and go back to your roots of individualistic thinking.
Thought forms are much like the name suggests; thoughts. Except, these thoughts are powerful due to the attached energy they have to them. The power comes from within you; it can be positive or negative depending on your innate feeling relating to the particular thought-form. The trick is to harness the energy and use it to propel your idea.
Solutions To Problems; Coming Up With My Thought Forms?
A lot of people think being able to come up with thought-forms successfully is quite complicated and takes years of training. However, this is not true. While they are not a piece of cake, the ability to come up with them doesn’t take years either!
Most people start and find that their thought-forms are incoherent and all over the place and soon give up. However, one must remember that it is not that easy; or else everyone would do it! You need to build your patience with your thought-form manifestation.
How To Differentiate And Prioritize Between Thought Forms Manifestation?
If you are starting with your thought-form manifestation process, then you need to learn to navigate through your thoughts. If you are someone who tends to have a lot of ideas and think a mile a minute, then you need to prioritize and find thoughts that are more important than others. But you need to develop a little bit of discipline to be able to do this.
The way to go about it is to learn how to pace yourself; learn how to slow down. This can be done with breathing exercises, yoga, or anything else that helps you control your mind and body and help them slow down.
Once you have achieved this, you will be able to separate your thoughts. And this way, each thought will have more weight in it. You can then analyze each idea on its own without the next thought rushing in and clouding your judgment and jeopardizing the process.
Another trick you can use is writing down your thoughts in a journal or on a piece of paper and weighing them each one by one. Having something written down gives it a lot more power than just having a thought in your head. The idea is not to rush anything but to do it as calmly as possible even if it takes a while.
Begin Your Personal Thought Forms Manifestation, Journey
If you are looking to manifest your thought forms, you will need to do more than making a list. But that is always the right place to start. Once you have made your list, you need to rank the ideas as what is most important to you and what is least important.
Once you have a list ranked by the most crucial idea to the least important one, you can start working on those ideas. Having the concept written down will help you envision it more clearly. You need to make sure your thought form is written in a way that it can be achievable by something which can be measured.
For instance, an example can be, ‘I want to get 3 new clients, this thought-form can be measured easily. The goal is simple and precise. Make sure your thought forms are something that is able to manifest. If you have abstract goals that cannot be measured, you will never know if you succeeded in terms of manifesting them.
Language holds a lot of power, so you need to make sure that you use the right words.
People Don’t Care: You heard it right People Don’t Care How Much You Know.
Theodore Roosevelt famously said, “nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” Admittedly, at times all of us get caught up in the doldrums of daily life and trivial matters. We often magnify small issues and worry, such as worrying about what people think of us. And questions like those take up too much brain space.
And honestly, no one thinks of us as much as we think they might. As human beings, we are wired to be a little self-involved and overestimate our importance at times. And thus, we tend to believe people are scrutinizing our every move, but this is not true at all. You do not have to worry about always coming across as completely perfect; we are all human and thus do not need to feel like we have to come across as perfect.
Everyone Is Learning Or Am I The Only One?
A lot of people are scared to admit when they don’t know about something. For example, imagine you went to a job interview, and the interviewer asked you about a competitor of theirs, but you have not heard of them. A lot of people might feel pressured to say they have heard of their competitors! However, it is not necessary to do that. If you admit that you are unaware of the competitor, you will be fine. The interviewer will probably tell you about them on their own. But if you lie and pretend to know about the competitor in order to save face and come across as ‘smart,’ you might land yourself in hot water.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Here we will be discussing (FAQs)
1. If I don’t know about something when I am asked about it, will I come across as dumb?
Answer: No, you will not! There is nothing wrong with not having all the information in the world! No one can do that, at least not humans. There is beauty in learning new things. And believe it or not, a lot of people love telling people about things they have never heard of, thus teaching them something new. Hence, if you admit that you do not know about something, you might be giving someone a chance to show you something new and inadvertently forge a unique bond with them.
2. If I want to be a thought leader, shouldn’t I come across as someone who is well versed in a variety of topics?
While someone who aims to be a thought leader should know about a few topics, there is no requirement for you to know everything about anything; as we said, that is impossible! You need to give yourself space to learn. And people should also have an opportunity to teach you new things. If you tell people you know everything about anything, you will come across as intimidating, and no one will be able to relate to you; hence, you will have very hard time building connections with people.
3. How do I overcome my fear of getting my mind blocked and not being able to get my point across?
A few times, we will come across a situation where we will have the information that is required but might not be able to get our point across for any reason whatsoever. This can be nerves; it can be fear or more! This is why it is a good idea to teach yourself certain breathing techniques that you can use to lower your anxiety. Learning how to do this will help you become better at managing your emotions and hence being able to calm down and get your point across coherently. A lot of times, we get so into our heads about an excellent performance we forget that people don’t care how much you know!
Everyone Is On Their Own Journey
It is a good idea to remember that everyone is on their own journey and has their own pace. There is no point in rushing anything because it does not matter; you will not speed up your journey because of someone else. People don’t care how much you know, and thinking that they do only hinders your path. There are no shortcuts to learning new things; you need to take time and absorb new information; otherwise, you might not retain it. The solutions-to-problems approach is honestly the way to go where you are trying to broaden your mind.
We all have our own journey when it comes to becoming thought leaders. No two journeys will be the same, and you need to let go of the fear of judgment because honestly, that is the only thing that will be holding you back.
You need to learn Assertiveness techniques if you want to master the Assertive communication. It is as simple as that. People with an assertive way of thinking know that they have rights, but at the same time, they realize that other people also have the right to do so.
Assertiveness with Assertiveness techniques is the ability to convey your thoughts, opinions, needs, and feelings in a direct, frank, and proper manner. This means to assert their rights and not to offend the sensibilities of other people and not to deny their rights. When you are assertive, you take control of your life completely.
Around other people, we choose one of three styles of behavior: passive, aggressive, or assertive.
People with a passive style tend to put other people’s priorities and needs above their own. They do not believe that they are worthy of defending their rights and feel inferior.
Passive people think that being assertive is too hard, while their style opens up new horizons for them. They feel (usually subconsciously) that they are weak, incompetent, and therefore do not dare to make any decisions in their life.
People choose a passive style of behaviour when they consider that it is better not to enter and not to provoke conflicts, although such a strategy rarely works. They are not respected; they are treated with pity. All this, in combination, leads to a drop in self-esteem, depression, stress, and victim syndrome.
Body language of passive people:
Avoid eye contact.
Shift from one foot to the other.
Hold the body while talking.
People with aggressive behaviors seek enemies around them, enter into conflicts, and assert their rights in an overly harsh manner. Aggression infringes on the rights of others. They tend to compete with people and every day to prove their worth as individuals. They beat out respect and self-interest from others.
This style of behavior is outdated and does not work even where it flourished – in business. These people are rude, ignorant, and have low communication skills. They are not able to build relationships based on love and respect, but mainly on fear.
Body language of aggressive people:
Point with a finger at the interlocutor.
Scream or raise your voice.
Clench your fists.
Too lean over towards the other person and look into his eyes for a long time.
Assertive people make contact with the feelings and emotions of other people and, therefore, can criticize, ask, or even complain delicately.
They are flexible; therefore, each situation is considered individually, in contrast to aggressive people. They are respected and appreciated, and they are in full control of their lives.
Even though their own thoughts and feelings might be difficult, they maintain to have mental and emotional space for both the other and themselves. That seems to be the key here.
Body language of assertive people:
Stand straight and steady, face to face to the other person.
Maintain unobtrusive eye contact.
Speak confidently and clearly – loudly enough for everyone to hear their words.
Speak fluently, without hesitation and with confidence in the voice.
To develop an assertive style of behavior, here are the Assertiveness techniques that you have to follow.
1. Set inspiring goals
This is one of the first Assertiveness techniques that we have totake care of. Now that you have realized the importance of assertiveness, it is essential to identify the areas of life that are most significant for you in which you can apply a new style of behaviour.
Identify the situations that you find most challenging. When do you need to be assertive? State them clearly. For example: “I would like my friend/colleague not to be late for meetings and appreciate my time. “Maybe you feel you already have this box ‘checked’. In that case: look again at the question. In what field of your life, would you benefit from more assertive behaviour?
Start with the most straightforward goals, then move on to the tricky ones.
2. Breath in your Rights
Let’s be honest, what comes in your mind while thinking of Assertiveness techniques? You may have to consult the definition for that. The following list of rights is essential to you as well as to other people. The list items are not exhaustive. You can add to it.
I have the right to
refuse to solve the problems of other people.
change my mind.
say, “I do not know.”
make my own decision.
say, “I do not understand.”
be joyful or sad.
set my priorities.
take the initiative.
Be careful with this list, because your passive style of behavior (if you have one) can quickly become aggressive. People love extremes. As we noticed, in a bold form of action, there are no advantages, not even from a passive one.
Also, remember that all your actions are based on the subtle arts of living. For example, if you decide that you have the right to change your mind, then apologize to the person who was given the word to spend the evening with him. Your right to refuse something does not mean that you are now becoming an irresponsible person. And if you decide that you have the right to make mistakes, this does not mean that you should not draw conclusions and do not bear responsibility for them.
You have the right to say no, but everything depends entirely on the situation. You are never obliged to do anything what so ever. Yet, your responsibility in a relationship differs per context. Maybe you decide not to buy something in a store after a consultant spent his time and energy in a dialogue with you. Then your ‘no’ is assertively accommodated by different behaviour compared to the situation you decide not to visit your father’s birthday party. Either way your ‘no’ is ok. Assertiveness is about owning that right within the relationship, instead of off doing it harm with your answer or choice.
3. Reflect on the experience of your personal rights
Using the list above, write down a statement that conveys your most valuable rights.
Go back to setting your goals and apply your statement. For instance:
Goal 1: __. What are my rights in this situation? Do I feel like my rights are violated? If so, how come? What is my share in that feeling? And, with what behaviour can I reclaim my sense of having that right? (Because essentially it can not be taking away from you.)
Answer these questions for all of your goals.
4. Using Assertiveness techniques or strategies
Assertiveness is a skill that can be developed if Assertiveness techniques put into practice every day. Here are some of them:Broken record. Be persistent and repeat again and again what you want. Learn to do so without annoyance or raising your voice. Stick to your point of view and stay in contact with the other. This is a life-skill.
Free information. Learn to listen to the interlocutor and read the free information that he gives you. It will allow you to make arguments, referring to phrases expressed by your interlocutor.
Disclosure of Information. Assertively disclose information about you – about what you think, feel, and how you think about the information that comes from the interlocutor. To communicate that in a non-violent way is essential.
This technique will help cope with incoming criticism. Do not deny criticism and do not counterattack. Blackout is like stopping. It is not freezing. Moreover, it is to hold off any actions for a moment, and ‘be’ and ‘let be’ whatever happens for a while. By the time you will find reality inside and out is helping you there.
I agree with the truth. Find in criticism of what is right and agree with this particular part. There is no point in denying reality. Never. Always accept it. Only after that any other desired direction can be of any meaning.
I agree that there is a misunderstanding. Identify the possible truth in an explanatory statement and agree to this. However – do not stop there. This has to do with the connective powers of criticism. We run (free at the time of writing this) Mastery Classes on the power of criticism within the Black Sheep Community and you are welcome to be part of them.
Agree in principle. Say: “It makes sense.” This should be your basic attitude, because it allows for a better connection with reality. If your default responses to life’s happenings are cynical or basic refuting and discard, that causes a lot of unnecessary sufferings.
Deny wrong conclusions. Assertively operate on inaccuracies and logical errors. This is possible when the relationship is good. Are you worried about the relationship? Or doubt whether it could stand your remarks? Remember that expressing them in the right way improves the relationship. And, moreover, connections that cannot bear truth are not worth worrying about or keeping. So your only and best option is to improve your connection.
5. Using Assertiveness techniques to say No
In the life of every person, there are situations where it is necessary to say no. If you do not learn to do this, then after some time, there will come a realization that not a single goal has been achieved, and that priorities have been violated. Remember that you have the right to say no, but do so delicately and respectfully.
Moreover, doing this effectively, you will find so much meaning in your conversations and you will manage your daily life with more love and strength every day. Yes, that is a big claim. And I would be willing to teach you more about the principle behind this. First, there are some concrete strategies here:
Use an assertive body language
Remember that self-confidence and the perception of your confidence as an interlocutor depends on your body language. Manipulators always apply their methods to a person who is considered indecisive. Even when it is done unconsciously. Make direct eye contact, keep your head straight, straighten your shoulders, relax your arms, speak confidently and calmly.
Determine your position before you say something
If you don’t know what your answer will be, you simply don’t have it. Decide what and how exactly you mean it. Do not use your turn to talk, to think. To think out loud is not a way of saying no. (It either is a way to hide or an activity for a different context.)
Wait for the request
Some people agree to action even before a request has been voiced. This is very convenient for the interlocutor because he does not feel any duty to reciprocate to you in any way. In the end, he has not asked for anything. You volunteered yourself. And this weakens both the relationship as the ‘goodness’ of the deed. The more implicit the give-take-balance is, the more it runs the risk of causes unhealthy relationships.
Find the exact wording
Think about how and what you say. Be accurate in your answer so that the person you are talking to does not have any doubts whether you are willing to fulfil his request. Your wording should not be long and ornate. Hiding in words, nor in silence has never truly helped any one.
Do not apologize if this is not necessary. An apology often puts you in a debtor position. This example is commonly used in sales. Moreover, an untruthful apology within a human connection always pays the price of loss of autonomy for all. If you feel that you are being manipulated, do not apologize.
Do not defend yourself if this is not necessary
Do not say why you do not want to fulfil the request; otherwise, the interlocutor will have the opportunity to manipulate your words. Feel the power of your silence after your ‘no’. (And it provides you with the opportunity to actually see whether the damage you feared is as bad as you thought it would be. You can then ‘open-up’, so to speak.)
Do not ask permission to say no
“You are not opposed if I refuse your offer” is another phrase that puts you in the position of a debtor. You decide. Not reality. Nor the other person. Yes, no needs to be expressed carefully in order to make your life-force stronger. (We run the course ‘Connective powers of criticism’ within the Black Sheep Community, free in times of writing. Join it, when this all speaks to you.)
Strengthen your position
Do not think that a person after refusal will not ask you for service again after some time. Let him know (if that is the case) that in the future you will reconsider or refuse the request again. Also, inform him whether you would like him to take initiative to do so, or you will do that yourself. All ‘moves’ like that strengthen your position.
This strategy is ideal for this case of saying ‘no’. Repeat the same phrase without changing any words in it. This works even better when you manage to do so without raising your voice or expressing any kind of annoyance or shy-ness.
Do not wait for approval
You should not convince the other person to accept your refusal. It is not up to him. You decide. Autonomy is an action available to all, not a quality some happen to have and others don’t. Otherwise, you will again fall into the position of the debtor. And giving in once more already creates the beginning of the next situation.
Accept the consequences
You have the right to say no, and the other person has the right to treat your refusal as he sees fit. There may be unpleasant consequences, but come to terms with this since you have already made a decision. Autonomy brings a lot more than an apparently nice moment that actually contains more lies and unhappiness. You should choose truth with a little discomfort overlies with simply fake-smiles.
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Thought withdrawal is not a concept that is widely known. However, if you are someone who is trying to pursue thought leadership and cultivating your brain power, then it is something you should be aware about. Over the years of evolution, the human brain has also undergone several changes to be where it is today.
The human brain is an instrument that has been amended over thousands of years. And has reached its current stage through thousands of years of evolution. Human beings have a superior tool. We use our brains to think and cultivate ideas and have been doing so for over millennia. However, in this day and age, we find ourselves becoming complacent.
Instead of churning out new ideas and being the visionaries, we should be because of our capacity to think freely. We have become mere cogs in the wheels of the world. People do not think more than they have to. People actively choose things that require the least amount of effort; we have become creatures of comfort.
And this is precisely why thought withdrawal has started occurring at such a staggering rate. We refuse to think and use our brains to their full potential! We would instead let others think while we use as little brain power as we can, and honestly. It is a shame.
In this day and age, where people consider thinking as a chore. It can be even harder for thought leaders to emerge and prosper. When people are taught not to be inquisitive, to take the easy way out, and look for convenience. They will rarely ever use their brains to think beyond what is the bare necessity for survival.
We heat up the pre-prepared meals, we use our phones to hail a vehicle. We order groceries while sitting in our lounging chairs at home. Everything is there to be as convenient as possible. And this is where thought withdrawal has begun to seep into our everyday lives. We would rather not think and let others do the heavy mental lifting for us.
Innovations in science do not happen on their own. They too have the genius of thought leaders behind them; people who are not afraid to experiment and think of ideas out of the ordinary. They dared to think beyond what was already there. The ideas which might have been abstract in the beginning but slowly manifested.
If we did not have those who shunned thought withdrawal and actively used their brains to think and ponder over various matters, we would not have succeeded in where we are as a human race. But now, we see that humans are getting to the point of stagnation. We do not see the same level of intellect amongst the masses, the same thirst for knowledge! We need to make sure that we do not get complacent and use our brains to its full potential.
If we don’t, the human race will lose what was solely unique to it! We will lose art, creativity, visionaries, and more. And without that, the human race, on the whole, will lose its soul.
Critical Thinking Skills And How To Develop Them: Answers-to-Questions Of Rejuvenating Thought
In a world where people are encouraged to think as little as possible, in a cultivated culture of convenience. It is necessary to break the mold. The first thing you have to do is unlearn convenience culture.
Once you go on a journey of trying to end thought withdrawal, you will realize just how deeply embedded it was in you without even realizing it. And how it affected your potential so much. You need to stop taking the easy way out, try to solve issues the old fashioned way. You will find that going to a grocery store and looking around and purchasing products physically itself can have a significant effect on your thinking. Being on your own in a new environment as you browse and make decisions is a great way to get the old noggin back in action!
Once you start doing this, you can gradually move on to doing brain teasers and puzzles; these are a great way to get your brain active. Contrary to popular belief, your brain needs just as much exercise as your body does!
Then you can move forward to unleashing your brain’s true potential by trying meditative techniques to control your thinking. Spend a few minutes every day in total silence. And let your mind go blank and slowly come back from that.
Once you start to engage your brain again and give it puzzles to solve, you will find that it will take you to new places and thoughts that you didn’t even realize you could have! The brain has limitless potential. Science has still not been able to figure out just what the brain is capable of, so do not sell yourself short; go the extra mile because you can!